Love, Dad

Hey, everyone! I was going through my gmail and ran across some things from my old computer at Intermark that I had e-mailed myself. One of them is a letter that my dad wrote to my sister and me about 13 years ago. I keep the original taped on the back of my closet door, but typed it up a few years ago to distribute in case it could help anyone. As non-cuddly/non-warm-fuzzy as my dad is, sometimes he really surprises me, and this is an awesome letter and covers a multitude of situations. Happy Friday!

9-7-95

Dear Jane and Elizabeth,

I started to write this to Jane since she just left for college, but I think I will send it to both of you. Since I haven’t been telling you many stories at bedtime lately, you may have forgotten some of the “lessons for life” we discussed. These can help you through difficult times (which we all have during our lives), can help you avoid some difficult times, and can help you help others avoid such times.

1. First of all, please don’t forget the value of religion and the church. Religion is like the eye of the hurricane. With all manner of turmoil and difficulties going on around, you can find calmness and peace in the church. Please also remember that the priests are there to help you. They dedicate their whole lives to doing so. Don’t hesitate to consult them with difficult questions and problems.

2. You have control over your life. Although there is always an element of chance or luck in anything you do, you can generally get things to go your way with hard work and the right attitude. Hard work, dedication, and focus will get you knowledge and respect.

3. Some people are impossible to deal with, but the overwhelming majority are not. Your challenge is to identify how to approach them in order to generate a cooperative relationship. If things are going badly between you and someone else, don’t automatically assume that they are bad, or even wrong. Look within to see if YOU can approach them differently to improve the situation. Look for their pressures, constraints, and motivations and try to find a way to work cooperatively with them.

4. Never pass up the opportunity to do something little for someone that will make a big difference in their life. Don’t assume that little things can’t make a big difference. When someone is having an especially bad day, has particularly low self-esteem, or is confronting a problem, even a small friendly action can help pull them through. This can be especially true with strangers or acquaintances who are generally not accepted (for whatever reason – handicap, appearance, etc.). Your small gesture of recognition and acceptance will not only help raise the person’s self-esteem, but can also influence others to treat the person with respect.

5. Be happy with yourself. Derive your self-esteem and sense of self worth from your actions. Do the right thing and take pride and satisfaction from having done so. Don’t put too much weight on acceptance by your peers. Take this philosophy and, in the long run, you will attract the right friends and you will be accepted.

6. Remember that sometimes you will feel depressed, anxious, under attack, or otherwise generally bad for physical reasons (medication, lack of sleep, hormones, etc.). PLEASE LEARN TO RECOGNIZE THESE SITUATIONS and remind yourself that things SEEM worse than they really are. You will be able to handle the situation. Things will seem better later. Avoid making important decisions during these times. Don’t show your anger during these times – it might not be justified!

7. Eat well-balanced meals and take vitamins. Your brain needs a variety of chemicals to function. You will be able to study and learn better, make better decisions, and generally feel better if you eat right.

8. Learn from your mistakes. You will make many in your life. Don’t dwell on how bad things are because of the mistake. Rather, focus on the future and on how to avoid making the mistake later. Remember the mistake so you can teach others (like your children) how to avoid it, but don’t dwell on it.

9. Learn from others’ mistakes.

10. Some adversity is GOOD for you. Strange as this sounds it is true! Remember how it feels. Learn from it. At the very least, you can now understand and sympathize with others who suffer the same thing in the future. You will be able to take action to avoid placing anyone in the adverse situation and can take action to help those who find themselves in the situation.

Take the opportunity to strengthen family ties. Sometimes when things are going too well, you can forget how much you need your family and how much they need you. Remember that adverse times can be stressful for the whole family. Make extra efforts to be understanding and cooperative.

11. If things are going badly for you, go out and find someone you can help. It will make that person happy and it will make you happy. (See numbers 4 and 5 above).

12. If things are going well for you, go out and find someone you can help. (See numbers 4 and 5 above).

I’m sure I have forgotten some of the little lessons we discussed. If I remember others, I will add them to this list and send it to you again. Please save this letter with your important papers and read it whenever necessary. I hope it will help you.

I love you both very much.

Love, Dad